Family life is like national life in miniature. Families are made up of individuals, each with his own personality, rights, and requirements. What’s more, no family is ever the same from one year to the next. Patterns within the family are constantly changing as each child grows, or new babies are born, and as parents mature and change, too. Each family member is different. Each has his own special needs. And no matter how much aid the modern family may get from outside, most of the responsibility for running this mini-state falls on you. You have to bear in mind the needs of your spouse, your children, your relatives—and yourself—not to mention dealing with the budget and the housework, all at once. For the more complex the daily interaction of family life becomes, the more it can enrich the individual life of each one of its members— including you.
Belonging to a family gives parents and children alike a unique sense of their own individual worth. No matter what happens to us in the world outside we know that there is one place where we can relax and be our true selves. We know that there is one group in which we are loved and accepted. And that knowledge is a source of inner strength against all the challenges and disappointments that life may cast our way. If we are sure of our family’s love, we will have the confidence we need to take on our responsibilities, to form new relationships, and to lead fuller lives.
All these good things don’t just happen in families. They need care and thought. Guiding your family toward a healthy, satisfying life goes beyond providing the care and protection that your husband/wife and children need for good physical health. It means providing for their emotional well-being, too.
For a family to have emotional health, each of its members must feel loved and cherished for himself. Happy family life is founded on the kind of love that accepts and values each member, not for doing, but simply for being. It is this unquestioning love that makes a home into a haven for parents, and contributes in large measures to the healthy development of their children. The failure to convince the growing child that this is the feeling his parents have for him is probably the single most important cause of future personality deviations in later childhood, in adolescence, and in adulthood.
Most parents do love their children, and love them in the very non-critical way. But they may, quite unsuspectingly, fail to let their children know the way they feel. Some parents may be afraid of spoiling their children. Others may be so anxious to help their youngsters “stand up for themselves” in a competitive world that they push them too hard, and appear to value a child’s achievements more than the child himself.
Uncritical love doesn’t mean letting discipline go by the board. But it does mean drawing a clear distinction between disapproval of a child’s misbehavior and disapproval of the child himself. Surprising though it may seem, this distinction can be the key to growing self-discipline. For the more a child is convinced of his parents’ love and acceptance of him, the more important their occasional disapproval of his actions will be.
Love won’t make your child soft. On the contrary, it will give him the strength he needs to become independent. His ability to move into new groups, take on new responsibilities, and face the challenges of adult life is rooted in the confidence that comes from being accepted and loved by his family.
Tags: relatonship problems
Good thoughts here! I have lost touch with my son and his family for about 5 years until recently. He just had his first child and is looking for advice and wants to become close again.